Praise Jesus!

School is done! 

Graduation is tomorrow!

I am officially a junior, an FYE leader, a prayer leader, AND on the Simpson Blog team for next fall!

Most importantly, Seattle is tomorrow....

God is amazing. Without his strength, I wouldn't have gotten through anything this semester!

I'm Just a Summer Girl....

That so isn't true. I've always hated summer for the fact that it's hot. Sure, you get school off, but seriously? Four months? Of doing nothing but sitting on my butt? Sweating like a pig? Watching movies all day?

Winter break was enough for me. Three weeks. Laying around the house. It got to the point where all I would say is "I want to go home!" How am I going to survive summer? I'm going to be doing the same thing again as last summer. Work, school (online this time), work, work, work! The amazing news is that I get to come back August 27th! Whoohoo! 

I guess it's hard to go home because I currently don't have a church. There's no life group. And 96% of the Bay Area is unchurched. So everything that God has revealed to me (i.e. brining heaven to earth), is going to be tested this summer. 

But it's not even that. All my college friends are spread out. Jenni is in Seattle, Rachel is in Oregon, and Carlye is Napa. Who knows where Laura is going to be...and that's just the start. 

Dang Simpson. It truly has become my home. Redding has become my home. Fremont has become my parents home. New York has become my future home. Simpson has become my home because of random events that happened like Saturday night worship (which was the inspiration of my last blog). 

To make this post even more random, let's talk about that. So, God totally revealed Revelation 3:20 to me:

"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends."

This verse has been my life this past semester. I've resisted God, but I finally heard His voice and answered. And not only that, but I've ate tons of meals with Him. Haha, in my journal I actually wrote that God and I need to have another meal together soon...and then tonight at church we have communion! Crazy!

On a lighter note, I'm going to Seattle in less than a week! Yippee! It's just me and Jenni going now, but I'm still excited. Speaking of excitement, I GOT CHEESE WHIZ!!!! That stuff is freakin' amazing. Cheese in a can, who would've thunk? I thank God everyday for people who invent unhealthy, but amazing tasty, food. Well, I guess I should study for finals...we have free food in about an hour.

I Am Hungry...

I love the feeling of being hungry for God. Most importantly, I love the feeling of being hungry for God in a room where there are others with the same hunger. 

But I love that God's love is enough to feed everybody...with more to spare. It's kinda like wild animals in Africa at a watering hole. Everybody is doing their own thing, but they join together to drink up the good stuff. But, unless the watering hole is at it's end, there's plenty to go around. 

It's so like that with God. Except He never has dried up, he never will dry up, and he never leaves us completely empty. And then once we leave from his presence (I never understood that line because you can't leave God...he's always there. But you get what I'm trying to say), we get to be the watering hole for those who don't know him.

And then the cycle continues. 

God Just Won't Leave Me Alone....

It all started last semester. This was the semester that I was actually required to spend some time each day in practicing spiritual disciplines for a class. So, instead of the doing same old stuff everyday (similar prayer, same amount of time spent with Him each day), I had to actually meditate and let the Holy Spirit come into my life. 

That was the best four months of my life. Growth was happening, relationship was forming. It was good. God was speaking to me through his word. Ah, that's the most amazing thing. Who knew that a little change in one's schedule could change one's life. 

Anyway, the last lesson that I taught my 4th-5th graders at church, before winter break,  was based on Luke 7. The story of when Jesus went into someone's house to eat and they wouldn't wash his feet. But then a woman came along, and used her expensive perfume and tears to wash his feet. I left Simpson for Christmas break with this verse in my head: "then she knelt behind Him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them." 

This verse was on my mind for entire break. It's not even that exciting of a verse. It's kinda depressing. It's about a sinful woman crying about her sins. Crying out in desperation to God. 

And somehow, it became my theme verse, even though it's random.

See, I didn't know what this semester was going to hold for me. I knew that I was going to New York, but other than that, I had no idea. I didn't know that I was going to apply, and get, the job as a FYE leader for next year. I didn't know that I'd struggle with trusting God. I certainly didn't know that I was going to be asked to be a prayer leader. 

So now that I'm done rambling, I'll actually explain what I mean by saying that God won't leave me alone. 

New York was the best experience of my life. Like, it was freakin' amazing. God was everywhere I went, and I was ok with that. It was a mission's trip. That's what supposed to happen. But as I worshipping at church, I became homesick. And not like the "I want to go home so that I can get free food" homesick. The type of homesick where you tear up at the thought of going home. The type of homesick that keeps you up at night. The type of homesick that going home is all you think about, and even God gets pushed from your mind. 

I was also thinking about boys, but that's not the point. 

Anyway, so there I was, internally a mess, with no one to talk to. No one to listen or understand. And then I got that weird feeling. Now, God has never spoken to me verbally. However, God does like to give me this weird feeling. And it doesn't go away until I figure out what it is, and act on it. 

So here I am, with Satan attacking me with thoughts about boys, and feelings of not wanting to be there, and God pushing my buttons at the same time. 

Yay for spiritual warfare. 

Getting to the point, I realized what I was homesick. No mom, I'm not sick for home. Hell, I don't even want to go home for summer. But I'm homesick for New York. Like, I want to be on the Subway, going to my next ministry site homesick. The "God-isn't-done-with-New-York-in- my-life" type of homesick. The worst type of homesick ever imagined. This is the homesick that makes you want to sob because you miss the smells, sites, taste, and feeling of someplace. 

So, as Dan is preaching about heaven, I can't get this thought out of my head. I am not done with New York. BAM! Instantly the pounding feeling inside of my gut was gone. I am not done with New York. I'm supposed to bring to heaven to earth in New York.  I don't believe that I'm supposed to live in New York for the rest of my life, but God is not done with me there. 

So, for once in my life, I realized that God really does want to be a part of my life. And that feeling, that longing for him, came back. And I actually went forward for prayer. In church. Something that I have never done. Because I want his spirit pouring in me and out of me. 

Obsession

by David Crowder Band

What can I do with my obsession?

With the things I cannot see

Is there madness in my being

Is it the wind that moves the trees?

Sometimes you're further than the moon

Sometimes you're closer than my skin

And you surround me like a winter fog

You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for You

And my heart burns for You

And I'm so filthy with my sin

I carry pride like a disease

You know I'm stubborn, Lord, and I'm longing to be close

You burn me deeper than I know

And I feel lonely without hope

And I feel desperate without vision

You wrap around me like a winter coat

You come and free me like a bird

My love burns for You

And my heart feels for You

My life good for You

All I have burns for you

My love burns for you

And my heart burns for you

And my heart burns for you

And my love for you, my heart for you

My life for you, all I have for you

My love for you, my heart for you

My life for you, all I have for you

Who Says I Never Liked Change?

As a kid, I hated change. It got to the point to where I always did the same thing every year...just because I hate change. So of course, when I began to hate psychology, I decided to stick with it. Just because I hate change. 

Yeah, that didn't work out so well. I guess a part of growing up is being ok with change. That's not something I'm comfortable with. So, to take the big step of change (because I am, after all "grown-up") I decided to go on a missions trip to New York. 

.....

big mistake. But the best one I ever made. 

Change comes with trusting God. Again, something that I'm not good with. Trusting God usually involves stepping out of the comfort zone. Something that I really suck at. So, needless to say, New York was a huge deal to me. 

Even though I was out of my comfort zone, I was in God's comfort zone. And that was good enough for me. My grandma asked me if I felt safe. She was actually shocked when I said that I felt perfectly safe the entire time. Honestly, I surprised myself saying that. But it was the truth. Why? Well, simply put, God isn't done with me. And somehow I knew that. 

My team leader, who is freakin' amazing, had some worries. Actually, it seemed like she constantly worried about something. That's usually me. I'm worried about an assignment, or how a friend is doing. But this trip, all my worries were gone. What was different? 

The difference was that I began trusting God. I began to see God in the small things of my life for the very first time. Talk about childlike faith. It was the best experience of my life. I saw God in the people I passed. I saw God in the 9/11 memorial that we visited. I saw God in the different nations flags at the U.N. Most of all, I saw God when I looked at myself. 

That's pretty huge. 

I know I sound full of myself, but it's true. For once, when I looked in the mirror I wasn't focused on my makeup or my frizzy, curly hair. I looked at myself and saw God radiating through me. I saw all the prayers that people have prayed over me shine out. I saw in myself for the first time. 

And that was the week I became ok with change. 

So, in one week, I have decided to change my major. I am no longer Megan, a psychology major with a youth ministry minor at Simpson University. I Megan, a general ministry major with a youth ministry minor. I still have no idea where God is leading me, but I'm ok with that. 

Because I'm in His comfort zone, not mine.